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Where oh where has my muse gone?  Where Oh where could it be?  

Anyone else feel this way lately?   Where are the days when I would wake up quickly clearing every "must do" in order to get to what I "wanted to do"...which was paint until I had to stop... to do other "must do s".    

I could go on at length about all of the reasons a definite depression settled in on me.  There is organic depression and responsive depression.  I think I got hit with a double whammy.   My organic depressive nature was quite healed by my immersion in art around 14 years ago.   Finding an amazing outlet to my emotions, (good and bad), painting transformed my mental well being from existing to fully living.   As a strong believer in God, I definitely had purpose and peace, but I did not find amazing joy until I was doing what He had specifically gifted me to do.   

While my organic depressive nature was overcome my responsive depressive nature took a real hit with the pandemic and all facets of it.  Try as I might, I could not find inspiration.   Even if I had an inspired moment, there was no energy to go to the studio and try to convey it to my paper or canvas.   I never suffered terribly with Covid, I had one minor infection, but I suffered from Covid.  Financially, socially and geo politically.   I will not go into detail as to which side I am on in the Covid narrative because it does not matter.   Because as passionate as I am in my beliefs, so is the opposing view point.   But, suffice it to say that seeing the division in our Nation, has been crushing.  And inspiration has suffered.

Doggedly, determined, over the past few months I have pushed myself back into the studio to paint whether or not I feel like it.   Now I am depending on sheer force of will to get me out of the depths and back into living again.   I may not like the circumstances around me but I have to rise above them.  Otherwise "it" wins.  I cannot allow that.   

Going back to the basics of daily discipline in my work has been my starting point.   Getting myself outside, looking for something to inspire.  Asking God to show me something beautiful in His creation that I could in turn, take back to the studio (or paint on location) and share then with my friends and followers.   Going to the studio, putting on music, greatly limiting my time spent reading the news, all of this helped.   Now, I find myself once again, eager and looking forward to time in the studio.   I am finding that old loving feeling again, as I make a determination to redirect the bulk of my thinking time towards those things that are worthy of my time and attention.  The things that are within my control, rather than those that are not.  

And it is working.   Thankfully.   And speaking of thanks, thanks to all of you who have painted on through these hard times, inspiring myself and others.   Your example and leadership have inspired many to keep plugging and not give up!  And the realization that politicians will never heal our Nation......you know who will?  The Artists.  The Poets.  The Songwriters.  The Writers.   The Dancers.   We are a Nation of dreamers, inventors, helpers....if the best of our Nation stop finding the beauty.....the possibilities....., well that is an outcome I refuse to entertain......

We must never cease looking for all that is worthy.....

We must turn away from negativity, ugliness, division...

We must find Unity while not losing our own uniqueness....

As artists, let's lead the way towards healing.   Our children deserve this.   Our future depends on it.   

So....now, I can't wait to get to my studio to paint.....  Maybe you will too?